Fitting In
by The.Silent.Fwooper
Summary: From Dumbledore's first visit to her house, here is Lily's story about adjusting to her new life. Lily, James and Snape POV. first fanfic, Read and Review please, obviously J.K. Rowling owns everything!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 : fit where you can

_Look at him_

_His walk, the way he bounced from one step to another, the way he held his head high as if he could take on anything life would throw at him, the way he laughed openly at a joke his friend had just told, making us all want to join in the fun, all of it made me wonder why. Why did he have it so easy while the rest of us had to cope? How could he have good grades in every subject when he seemed to have something better to talk about with his friends every minute a lesson went by? How come he seemed to care about the war that was raging outside the castle when, being the pure blood wizard that he was, he would have been the first to profit of the situation? She couldn't understand. Then again, she could. It's simply who James Potter was. But Lily wasn't going to be fooled by first impressions. She wasn't the innocent muggle that had walked into this world so long ago…_

_. . . . . . . . ._

The old crazy looking Santa Clause wearing a robe made of dark blue velvet with a weird looking lighter in one pocket and a wooden stick in the other was her last chance to not have to go to that private, high class school for princesses with pretty looking hair, clothes, make up and dumb Barbie expressions that Petunia was attending. She took one look at the man at the door she had just opened and wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry… But she was much closer to crying than she would have been willing to admit to anyone. Even to herself. Because it wasn't just that she knew she wouldn't fit in the school her parents were making her attend. It wasn't like the ballet lessons with itchy tights or the horseback riding on a horse that nearly ate her hand when she offered it an apple. It wasn't like the ballroom dance classes where the guy she had been partnered with had taken one look at her and asked the teacher to switch. It wasn't like the painting class or the skiing class where, sure it had been fun while she was in her own little bubble, but was ruined the moment she had looked at the people surrounding her to realize she actually sucked.

It wasn't that she didn't fit in the high class society where everybody talked in everybody's back, cared about what everybody thought, and followed stupid traditions or trends like naming your kids after flowers.

She just didn't fit anywhere.

Except maybe the park, where that guy with really dirty hair, white skin and clothes really too big for him had asked her what her name was and hadn't laughed when she had told him her name was Lily. But that was pretty much it.

And she couldn't go to the public high school down the road because she liked books, and people who liked books in public school were supposedly laughed at and thrown into 

lockers unless they were really pretty, which she wasn't, or they could do team sports, which she couldn't, or really cool, like smoking cancer in a stick or sniffing brain busting powder or using SIDA infected needle. Yep! That's right, the only way she could have been accepted in the other world her parents kept snobbing had been thrown out the window due to brainwashing by her mother and school.

So really, this old man in a night gown, that had written a letter to her parents talking about an alternative school, which her mother had taken seriously, ( and she had thought the letter arriving by owl had been strange) had been her last hope. And really, she wished she hadn't known about it. Because she hadn't realized how miserable she really was until she had considered going to this other school. Well, actually she did, but since there was nothing to do about it she had kept her mouth, and her mind, shut. Until now. And now, her life plan for the next years seemed to really, really suck.

She let the Dumbledore man in the house since, really it would have been socially unacceptable if she had slammed the door in his face and ran to her room to cry. And this reasoning, for once, she could understand.

Her parents were in her father's study room. Her mother looking like the high class mistress of the house she is and her father, the conventional serious perfectionist business man he is. (Really, she didn't know why she noticed these things all of a sudden).

Her mother's eye brows went up, but not as high as her father's, when they took a look at the man that was following her. If her father had had hair, his eyebrows would definitely have been hidden. No matter how high the receding hair line was nowadays.

'' Well hello Mr. and Mrs. Evans, it's an honor to meet the parents of our soon to be new pupil! And might I add it's a very nice house you live in.'' Was the first words out of the stranger's mouth.

Telling he was honored to meet her parents made him win a couple of brownie points with them. Telling she was to be a student at his school as if it's a given made him win a million brownie points with her. But telling her parents that their million dollar propriety that has been taken in example in magazines and has received huge compliments from everybody that has passed through it, that it's nice made her parents eyebrows go down. A lot.

''Well, we are honored to receive you in our very nice house Mr. Dumbledore.'' replied her father.

''That is very nice of you'' replied the beard man, ''I was wondering if I could talk to your daughter about Hogwarts before I explain the details of her future education with you''

''That would be no'' her father replied without missing a beat

''In that case I have the pleasure of announcing to you that your daughter is a witch ''

And the other end was, not so surprisingly, silent.

At the same time, completely in tune with each other, her parents turned their heads to look at her. She dropped the hair strand she had been twisting as if it was on fire. This man just lost a lot of brownie points there. Reminding her mother she had a reflex, not a twitch, of turning the end of her ponytail with her left hand when she felt nervous, awkward, stressed, out of place or uncomfortable was really mean. Her mother hadn't commented on it today. Yet.

''Excuse me Sir.'' Her mother replied a little bit on the defensive

And it seemed she was off the hook. This was really surreal!

'' Trust me, I usually let people draw their own conclusions of the many hints I give them in hope that they will succeed and understand better that way, but with muggle parents I have learned with time it is better to simply state why I'm here to give them more time to process it.'' Mr. Dumbledore answered.

Did this man just give a lecture to her parents and call them muggle? So in this school the teachers do drugs…

''I can understand how this is a shock for you, but can you think of anything weird ever happening to your daughter or her surroundings'' the man continued since her parents had become temporarily mute.

''No'' both her parents answered at the same time

Now, she figured, wouldn't be the best time to tell her parents every strange thing that has been happening to her lately. And anyway, they wouldn't have acknowledged it in front of a stranger. Rule one when you care about what people think: Do not do or say anything remotely strange in front of someone that could very well tell the neighbors about it.

As if he could read her mind, Mr Dumbledore turned to her and asked:

''Do you agree Lily Evans?''

Now she was stuck, because she didn't want to lie to him and ruin her chances of going to another school, even if the teachers were all under the influence, but she wasn't about to break a house rule in front of her parents. Therefore she said the first thing that came to mind.

''Hum, Sir. I don't see what it has to do with my hair.''

By that point her parents were going red in the face. So she figured she had better clean the spotless image of her family before this man went around telling how the youngest Evans had an obsession with hair. Well, when it came to twisting it that is.

''Why, what strange thing happened to your hair? ''

''Oh!'', trying to know how this man knew about THE 'Hair Incident ' two years ago, ''It is not what you think.''

''Would you care to explain?''

'' The hairdresser explained to my mother how my hair cannot take hair dye and that is why it stays it's natural color no matter how much she wants it to go platinum blonde''

''You don't believe you have anything to do with the color changing''

''No, it has nothing to do with what happened when I was six''

''Really?'' the old man replied seeming more and more interested

'' I'm telling you I had nothing to do with the fact that one minute the garden was ready to be taken in picture for our perfect family portrait and the next it went all brown and dead and we had to report the picture to another date. It was the gardener's fault; he admitted he put a bad product in it after my father paid him to say so to the photographer.'' A panicked Lily answered.

''Alright this is enough!'' my father looked as if he was going to spit fire like a dragon, (as if they existed!) ''Sir you were invited in this house under the pretence that it was about our daughter's education. Since it seems to not be the case you shall leave now.''

And her chance of ever fitting in literally just walked out the door.


	2. On second thought

_Thanks for the comments! And I'll try something different so it doesn't cut in weird places… hope you like it!!_

_p.s. no idea if there is such a thing as a ''Western England Balls Society''…hope not… :S_

Chapter 2: On second thought

So she's grounded. No surprise there.

What bothered her is that she actually really cared. Not what Dumbledore thought of her, even if usually she did mind what people thought of her, in case her parents or her sister would hear about it. What if they sent her away to the kind of boarding school they were always talking about where she would just see them at Christmas and on the Holidays. As much as she didn't fit in the world they lived in, there was something nice of knowing she would never have to deal with it alone. She didn't have close friends and her parents have refused to let her have a cat and the staff in the house was nice but were always so formal around her with their ''miss Evans'' as if they were putting on a show. Her family, as much as they didn't seem to understand her, were the only ones she had, therefore she wasn't going to ruin everything by not caring about what people thought of her.

But, in front of that man, who was the first one to actually be interested in her problems and the stuff that seemed to be going on, she saw something in her parent's eyes she really wished she hadn't seen. And that was shame.

They were ashamed of her for being who she is, just as much as she was of not being able to fit in. But what was worse was they were punishing her for telling someone the truth, someone that she didn't believe would go around telling rumors about them. And even if he did, not to sound mean or anything, but he looked a little silly himself, no one would have taken what he was saying seriously.

And Petunia got really mad when she heard about the story. Her exact words were:

''You let an old man in a dress walk in the house in day light? What is wrong with you people? Vernon could have come to the house to ask to see me and what would he have thought seeing a crazy person talking about my sister and her weird episodes? Really you should know better!''

Her sister lives for the day where she will marry Vernon. If you asked her, her sister was a little too young to think about stuff like that and second of all, although she didn't always like her that much, her sister could do way better. Petunia's smart, totally perfect looking in all the social events, she always knows what to say for what occasion and she has what her mother calls classic beauty because her face is very plain. Vernon, on the other hand, can be really bossy, is not nice to people 'inferior' to him and his dad is rich. That's basically all there is to know to understand what he is like.

They're arguing about her again downstairs. She knows it's about her, because it's the only kind of discussion where Petunia actually has the nerves to join in their parent's discussion even though Petunia's only 2 years older.

''I don't understand what is wrong with that child, saying those things to that man'' her father kept repeating

''She needs to process what she says before she says it. You would think by now she would know when it's right to say something and when it isn't.'' her mother replied

''We have a ball here in two weeks. If she had opened her mouth at the wrong moment in front of anybody else, people would have asked us tricky questions. She cannot come to the ball, and we can't lock her in her room, our doctor will deny the rumor that she is ill. Petunia, you and your sister shall go to your aunt Finn. We'll say you had promised to dine with her a long time ago and you are the kind of people to keep promises even if it means sacrificing a ball.'' Her father concluded.

God, she wasn't stupid. She wouldn't have talk about the 'hair thing' to people from her parent's society. She knows how important it is to look nice and smart. Her father isn't as strict as he looks. When it's only him and her in the house, they would go riding on horseback. She doesn't actually like horseback riding, but it was the only time she got to be with her dad alone since Petunia didn't like the dirty stables. But when it came to society events, everything had to be perfect. Like her father would say:

''If a man doesn't seem to be in control of his daughters, how can people thrust him to control his employees? Now would you invest in a business if you knew the boss wasn't on top of things? No you wouldn't, and that's why everything always has to look good.''

But still, she had always made efforts to look good at these events. And she usually just kept quiet to avoid saying something that would embarrass her family.

''I cannot miss the ball because my sister has gone nuts!'' Petunia was shrieking ''I have my dress prepared and all that goes with it! Everyone in my class is coming, since most of their parents are potential clients, your words not mine, and you think they are going to believe I stood them up to go eat with a crazy cat lady and my sister!''

''Someone has to keep an eye on her while I'm trying to talk about serious business with future clients and business partner. I have a reputation to keep!'' her father responded

''And I have a reputation to keep in front of my friends from the _Western England Balls Society_ '' her mother responded

''And I have a reputation to keep in front of my classmates and Vernon!'' her sister answered back

''Then it's settled. Lily will be going to this Hogwarts school until she can put this crazy behavior behind her'' her mother concluded

''But this man looked like a raving lunatic. Who doesn't say she'll be doing even more of her color changing, or whatever she calls it, when she comes back?'' my father asked her

''Lily'' Petunia was knocking at her door now ''Please come down. Our parents want to talk to you.''

By this point, Lily didn't know why, but her mind was going blank. It just didn't know what to do of her heart. How come getting what she had been wishing for since she couldn't remember, not following Petunia's footsteps and trying to fit somewhere else, was ending up hurting her really really bad? She felt as if she had been punched in the stomach numerous times in a less than 5 minutes conversation. She didn't know why, but all of a sudden she wished it didn't bother her that she didn't fit in this world. On second thought, she wished she could stay and be perfect like her parents wanted. Just like Petunia.

Because going away to Hogwarts because you thought you would blend in over there, wasn't like being sent to Hogwarts because people are realizing you don't fit here when you did everything they asked you to.


	3. Trying to fit in

_I decided to keep this chapter from Lily's point of view even though I'm still trying to edit what I already wrote so that James point of view can be in also… sometime soon… ;)_

_Thank you so much for the reviews and the 'alerts' … it's why I'm at school now to update it!! One day internet will work again at home… sigh_

_Enjoy!_

**Chapter 3: Trying to fit in**

With everything in my world being turned upside down in a 5 minutes conversation yesterday, I decided I needed to talk to someone. Anyone.

And that's how I ended up running from my home really early the next morning with a backpack with all the necessaries to go to this new school. That is minus everything on the list of material that Dumbledore had left behind in the off chance that my parents would change their mind. It now seems that nothing, and I mean nothing, I have is good enough for this school. I have to get all new clothes, all new school material, new luggage, a pet and a cauldron and even weirder things as the list goes on. So I took the money from my piggy bank and hoped it would be enough. At every birthday, I have received at least a hundred dollars from each of my family members, so I'm hoping it will be.

And if it wasn't, I still had my aunt Finn. Regardless of what my family thought of her, I had always liked her. The first time I had visited her, she had been really sick and my mother had felt bad of leaving her cousin alone. I mean after word got out that her cousin was sick and she hadn't visited yet. The first thing aunt Finn asked me was if I wanted a cat. Her cat Alice had just had a litter and they were still young enough that she wasn't attached to them enough to be unable to let them go. My mother had thought it was crazy talk from the fever, but I knew if I had a cat and it had kittens, I wouldn't be able to get rid of them either. And when I saw a pet was mandatory on my list, I automatically thought of aunt Finn and her cats. Maybe she could give me one and that way I would have someone to talk to about all this mess.

After being on the bus for almost two hours I finally arrived in the little village my aunt lived in. I had a very very long walk to do, since I wasn't in a car like all the other times I had visited with my mother.

A walk actually made me feel better. It was like I was in control for once. No one knew where I was, and I could go as fast, or as slow as I wanted. I could run like the wind and no one cared. And with every step, I was gaining confidence. Maybe I was just an eleven year old girl that twisted her hair in an un-lady like matter with weird things happening around her. But I was going to change for the better, have really good grades at school and not say anything stupid to anybody. And then, during the holidays, my family will be happy to have me back. And then when school will start again, and they'll say they want me to stay I'll tell them that I can't because I have a better place to be, and my grades and my teacher's appreciation for me will prove it. And whatever happens, I won't let anything come into my way of being the perfect student. That'll show them for underestimating me.

I finally arrived to my Aunt Finn's house. I just couldn't understand how the house was still standing up to tell the truth. Everything looked crocked and the house itself seemed abandoned. But strangely it had a 'homey' vibe, something that made it comfortable and inviting. I just hoped Aunt Finn would be there and let me in even though I hadn't called first.

And then, before I even had the time to knock, Aunt Finn was opening the door and hugging me.

''There you are my little Lily flower. I was wondering when you would come after you had the news.'' Before I could reply she went on; ''You will have so much fun at Hogwarts! I wished I could have studied there, but it's a talent you are born with that sadly I wasn't. Neither was your mother I believe. But it doesn't matter now.''

And still, she went on

''Oh! How I wished I could have taken that train and see what the destination looked like. I do hope you will write to me to describe everything. I have an owl here if you ever want to borrow it. Don't be alarmed, Lily Flower I'm not asking you to write me every day. You'll surely have enough of writing to do with your sister and parents waiting for you at home. But just a little word to say you are okay would be very much appreciated. Now Lily Flower, not that I'm curious or anything, but why are you here when my rooster has barely done his rooster duty? ''

I do not know why, but the next thing I knew, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I know! To think a second ago, I was determined to do everything by myself and prove to my family I wasn't going crazy! And now I was crying like a baby because it was the first time someone was talking about my new school like it wasn't a boarding school for crazy people with weird 'ticks' that had mental breakdown. And Aunt Finn actually seemed to care and not about to judge me. And that's when I realized that maybe I didn't need a cat. Maybe Aunt Finn would do just fine.

. . . . . .

I ended up having a cat anyway. Aunt Finn said I would need one if I was really doing this 'running away from your parents thing'. And she actually didn't even consider for a second sending me back. She said until school started I was to stay here. She said she needed company and this way she was going to almost experience going to Hogwarts before dying.

I know! I was shocked too when she said that. But to see her jumping of joy like, well, I should be jumping I guess, makes me wonder if she really has been ill all this time or if it was only a way to get more visitors. Not that would ever ask her that! Even if she has, who could blame her? If I were sick, I don't even know if more than four people would show up. And three of them would be there to save appearances.

At least I now have a cat. It's still really small because it's just a baby. Aunt Finn says it shouldn't grow that much because it's a special breed, I don't remember the name. All I know is; it has this messy black fur that seems to never be under control and chocolate brown eyes. On the top of his head, his fur does little spikes between its ears, almost like pointy parts of a mini fork or something. He is so cute, it's almost as if you want to eat it him to have his little bundle close to your heart. Because when it purrs, it's the most comforting sound I have ever heard. And his paws are really too big for his little figure and he keeps jumping around as if he has springs under them. I called him Prongs. I don't know how I thought of a name like that. It just fits him. Lucky cat.

. . . . . . . .

The next day, Aunt Finn said today we were going to shop for robes. Basically, that meant my aunt Finn has a friend in the village that makes robes and owes her a favor. Therefore, Mrs. Snikkles, that's the friend, is going to do all my robes for half the price and Aunt Finn insists on paying for the rest. My job is therefore to stand still on this stand for hours while Mrs. Snikkles measures me and makes me try robes on to see if I like them. The weird part is, these robes are actually quite ugly, but I'm not about to hurt their feelings. Mrs. Snikkles keeps telling me that no one will believe that I'm a muggle born when I arrive to school with such an extensive wardrobe. And I just let her keep talking. Prongs is waiting at home and I just can't wait to go back to play with him.

. . . . . . . . .

''Well, 2 blacks cloaks, one green one to make your eyes stand out even more, 3 black school uniforms, 2 alternatives skirts if you are tired of dresses, one green robe for special occasion, one red robe for Christmas, one blue robe for your first date, because there is no way a beautiful girl like you isn't going to be invited to Hogsmead. There are also 3 jumpers to go with the skirts and 9 white shirts for everyday of the week plus two just in case.'' And Mrs. Snikkles went on, '' Now this should be enough until Christmas, but honey you will probably have grown by then, so don't forget to come here to have some new ones!'' she said with a selling smile.

As soon as Aunt Finn and Mrs. Snikkles were finished talking about clothes and the next card game, we finally got back home where Prongs jumped on me the moment he saw me and didn't leave me for a second alone. I could get used to this. And the robes were maybe a little bit old fashion, but they were way more comfortable than the robes my mother and sister have made me wear for every ball I have had to attend.

Basic line was: it was way easier trying to fit here than in my old world.


	4. On the verge of succeeding

_Sorry for the long wait… I am completely blocked, so I don't think I'll be writing Lily's complete story at Hogwarts like I originally wrote in the story's description. I'm sorry. But I'll try to put in as much little scenes I had already written, but there isn't much sadly…_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 4!_

**Chapter 4 : On the verge of succeeding**

I am a witch.

Somehow this isn't making me as happy as it should.

We were basically just cooking in my aunt's kitchen when she told me in a few years, I'd be able to cook a meal for fifty people in a flick of a wand. I guess I must have looked at her funny because she then asked me if I knew what Hogwarts stands for. I guess the look mustn't have left my face since she then said:

''Oh Merlin! That's why you haven't been jumping of joy and that you aren't stressed or anxious or remotely curious.'' When I kept looking at her funny she finally said IT ''you see Lily flower, Hogwarts is a school for witches and wizards. The talent I've been talking about is magic. You can do magic. Whereas, I can't. That's why you need a wand and a cauldron and your parents haven't even thought of coming here to get you when I told them you were here'' Seeing my stunned/shocked face, she felt the need to continue. '' You told me Professor Dumbledore came to visit your home and announced to you that you were to go to Hogwarts and that your parents agreed to let you go if it meant you would learn how to perform magic and therefore you would be able to control it. I thought you were kidding me when you said you had run away. Didn't you come here because your parents couldn't help you with all the school material you had to buy?''

Okay.

So let's reverse a little bit.

I thought I was going crazy because I couldn't fit in the 'muggle' world. Somehow now learning that I'm not sick in the head, but actually gifted or whatever isn't making me feel better. Because I thought the plan was to go this school to make me NOT gifted or whatever, that way I could fit in my old life just like Petunia can and then I would be perfectly happy. Now I'm learning that all this time my parents have known where I am and haven't come to see how I'm doing. Also that there wasn't actually something wrong with me and it's just how I'm born. Maybe they knew very well that I've been different all this time and are hoping that being at Hogwarts I'll see how much that life sucks and therefore will want to change to fit in my old life. Or they don't expect me to actually come back into their life and they're sending me away for good!

Either way it means that they don't like how different I am and are hoping I will change my attitude, since I can't actually change who I am, to accommodate their world.

Also that either way I'll never be good enough just being me.

And also I'm a freak that people used to put on a stick and burn.

Why can't I just be a normal, shallow muggle who has no idea Hogwarts exists. Why do I have to be different? I need Prongs and I need to be alone.

. . . . . . . . . . .

So I'm a witch. I thought about it all night and I guess changing colors of all the flowers in our garden because I hated the dress I was taking the stupid family picture in should have been a clue. And the fact that every time I went to the kitchen to see what we were eating and when I didn't like it the meal would catch on fire should have been a clue. And the fact I didn't break my neck when I feel from the tree in which I was hiding from the tea party my mother was doing should have been a clue.

I'm a witch, always have been, always will be.

If I get tired of Hogwarts, like I'm hoping was my parent's initial plan, I will go back to the plan of the private school with my sister Petunia and her boyfriend Vernon and I will pray for nothing weird to happen around me or else they'll send me away from home again, but I'm not sure where. Maybe a mental patient facility thingy… which I don't think would be as fun as Hogwarts.

So nothing really changes to my initial plan. Only now, I'm going to get great marks at school to be able to control my magic, and not to try and impress my parents. And I will keep on going there until I feel I have total control over my powers to go back to my old life and make my parents proud.

With that in mind, it seems I was finally ready to enter the magical world.

Which strangely, for my aunt Finn, that phrase translated in: I'm ready to shop at Diagon alley. After, I learned it's where I would be able to change my money into wizard money, and where I would buy my books, my cauldron, my owl, my trunk and, the most strangest thing on the list, my wand. It made more sense then.

And I called my father. I thought about it all night. I wasn't leaving my family behind. It was as if I was pushing a pause button, and in a few months or whatever I would come back to them and would do horseback riding with my dad and I would not mind going to all the balls they organized. So I called him. And the first thing he asked me was how much did my education cost and to whom did he send the check. I had no idea so I asked Aunt Finn and she told my dad she was taking care of it. Then he REALLY got mad, telling her that she better not do that because he had to pay a certain amount for my education or else his accountant would ask tricky questions. 

So my aunt caved and told him a number, I don't remember how much, except that my father seemed to be a little shocked and she told him to send it to my name because I was opening a special account for school and that's how it worked. Also that she was sending her owl to pick it up right away.

Might I just say that my dad didn't utter a single word after that and just hung up. I didn't know what to think because he hadn't asked what I was doing or anything. He had basically just asked me to give him information that he could feed his accountant to keep up appearances. But this time, I wasn't going to let it affect me.

. . . . . . . . . .

Oh my God!!

Ok, so I thought going to a pub when I needed to shop for school was strange.

Then we past a lot of stores with the weirdest products on display, like brooms. A window full of brooms! I guess cleaning up is just as important for these people as it is for my mother.

We finally reached the goblin bank and I was happy Prongs was with me and hiw warm little body between my neck and my shoulder because the looks the goblins were giving me made me shiver. They weren't very nice. But they did exactly what my aunt told them to do. And I went to my vault and it is literally a mini cave with all my piggy bank money in wizard money and all the money that my father sent. I think my aunt overdid it with my dad, because when I asked her how much of the pile I should take she said a handful maximum when there was enough money in my cave to fill my pockets at least fifty times. So while she wasn't looking I put a few extra coins in my pocket to make sure I wouldn't miss any.

Then we bought my books, which made me freak out because I couldn't understand half of the words on the cover. And then we bought my wand which made me feel really weird, as if I was soaring when in reality my feet didn't even leave the ground. After, we bought a cauldron which was really bigger than I expected; nothing to do with the little things you cook with and it's as heavy as an elephant. We then bought a trunk which is a good thing because I didn't know what to do with all this stuff. And then I bought an owl to be able to keep contact with my family, or else try to. And THEN the strangest thing happened all day. Prongs jumped from my shoulder and started to run away from me. It's so small I was certain somebody would squash him with their feet. I screamed his name to make him stop but he was running as if he was possessed.

Next thing I knew, he was jumping at the little bells a guy my age had been teasing his owl with. This guy was exactly like my cat; messy black hair and brown eyes. But I soon realized the resemblance stopped there.

''Prongs huh? That's a strange name for a cat.''

'' …''

''I mean why would you give your cat a name like that?''

''…''

''Why not brownie or cupcake or whatever usual names you girls come up with? I mean, prongs are the pointy things on a fork. Actually, it could be cool enough to be a nickname, or to name a scary dog or something bigger. Not this sorry excuse of a cat''

''…''

''Well Prongs, I guess the few words your owner does say are simply weird ones ''

''…''

''Could you take your cat away? My owl is about to eat it.''

As I'm taking my cat away from this guy that thinks I'm totally weird and keeps teasing me for no good reason, I try to find the courage to say something that will change is mind.

''Right….so it was interesting talking to you…''

''Lily… my name is Lily and my cat is simply small. It doesn't mean it's a sorry excuse of a cat.'' I blurted out

''So you do talk! It's comforting to know. Well Lily, I'm James but since you don't seem to talk very much let's simplify it by you calling me Prongs too'' he replied laughing

''Prongs is my cat's name'' I couldn't help but observe

''I know, but since it's one of the few words you do say so very well, it'll be like the word you use for everything you like '' James replied just to tease me

''So why would I use it for you?'' I asked clearly confused

''…''

''…''

And my aunt saved me from this awkward situation

''So there you are Lily! Please do not run like that again! What would your parents do to me if I lost you? Don't answer, it was a rhetorical question and the answer isn't as bad as you think. Now, we have no more shopping to do for school, is there something else you would like to buy? Oh a boy friend! Who is he? ... Lily you are not being very helpful. ''

''I'm James. We just met.'' James casually answered coming to my rescue (as if I needed it!)

''Well that's nice! I'm sorry we have to go. But it was very nice meeting you, James.'' my aunt politely replied

''It was nice meeting you to. Goodbye Lily.'' James said all the while looking at me.

''Goodbye James'' was I barely able to whisper I was so concern about hiding my, by now, very flushed face.


	5. what's missing

Chapter 5 : what's missing

Well after that awkward meeting with the first person her age that was 'magically gifted', Lily was, let's just say, very nervous about going to school now.

And then there's the little fact that the initial plan was for her to be really good at school to go back home quick. But how on earth was she ever going to be good at school if she didn't understand what half the words on the school books meant? She usually loves books, but how can she love something that she doesn't understand? When Lily asked this to Aunt Finn, the old lady asked her if she was talking about boys. And that if it was the case, that she should ask her mother since, just because she was old and about to die, it didn't mean she had figured out everything there was about life.

In other words, she wasn't very helpful.

Lily only had two week before school started. So she figured she was going to learn everything there was to know about Hogwarts and try to understand as much in the books as possible, without all the wand work. ''No way, thought Lily, am I going to do spells with that thing until I have proper instructions.'' And really, all this was simply to not look stupid again in front of other people. Her goal was to blend in; not be known as the mute girl, born in the muggle world, whose world revolves around a cat and can't manage a descent conversation when someone simply wants to talk.

Her aunt Finn asked around, after Lily asked her to do so, and one of her aunt's neighbors had a copy of 'Hogwarts: A history' and he was ready to actually give it to her! She then told him:

''It's okay, I just need to read it to not look stupid''

It must have been the wrong thing to say since he then looked at her like she really was.

. . . . . . .

''Ok, Lily thought after only a day, I don't care how weird people think I am while I'm there. I'm totally going to Hogwarts.'' It's separated in four houses, and she had decided she was going to be in Ravenclaw. Each house even has an actual ghost to represent them! Lily couldn't help but be surprised. Ghosts exist!

And then, the house that you are sorted in becomes a sort of family and you sleep with a lot of girls on bunk-beds all in a few rooms and each house has a big common room where everyone gathers after class. Also, each house has a special entry of some sort. Like for Ravenclaw, she'll have to answer a question a knocker will ask. And if she doesn't answer right, it just won't let her in! She couldn't help but imagine if she hadn't known this when her house prefect would have showed her the door. She would have probably screamed in surprise! She wouldn't have looked very smart there. Not only do the people in the paintings move, but the staircases change in every direction and supposedly gargoyles come to life sometimes and metal armor in the halls do too. Also, there's a ghost of a girl that was murdered in a girl's bathroom. All things Lily was grateful she had read before.

. . . L . . .

Her aunt couldn't believe she actually finished the book in three days. Neither could her neighbor. He said he tried to read a page and he fell asleep. And that it usually took months for people to read because it was too much boredom to process in so little time. I think he is a little bit exaggerating. And anyway, I'm on a school schedule and I am already late in my readings. I know! School hasn't even started. I don't know how I'm going to do it when it does.

. . . . . . .

Today I'm starting school.

I packed everything I've accumulating recently in my trunk and I'm ready to go even if we aren't scheduled to take the bus to London for another 3 hours. I take my book on Defense Against Dark Arts out of my trunk for the third time this morning ,trying to remember one more time what spell you use against dementors, those black beast that can make you feel all your deepest fear. I have passed all of my time during these last ten days studying everything I had with me. I know the majority of the Potions in the index at the end of the book. Maybe I don't know what half of the ingredients for the potions are. But at least if the teacher asks me what potion I can use to make someone tell the truth, I will know which potion to use.

For my charms I read half the book, but I don't see how my studying will be useful since all of it was description of wand work. As for my Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration, most of it was about changing stuff into something else or simply changing it color. I couldn't wait to have this lesson because it would make me able to arrange anything wrong going around me at home. It's the reason I was going to Hogwarts in the first place.

Defense against Dark arts was the scariest thing I have ever read. But it's also the most useful in all of the books. Not that I can actually do anything yet. Still, I'm less afraid of going to school. I'll be able to learn all the spells faster and I'll know what to do if something ever sneaks out of the Forbidden Forest. I didn't really have time to study herbology and astronomy, but it isn't as if it's really going to help me control my power when I'm at home. So I'm going to concentrate for now on practical stuff.

I wish aunt Finn would wake up.

I'm at the train station now. Aunt Finn is practically fainting of excitement and I can't believe I'm actually doing this. There's so much people on the platform it's incredible. So many families all bundled up together saying goodbye to their kids. So many teary eyes. Is it selfish that I would like someone teary eyed of seeing me off to? Everyone is so happy of sending me off. Not that Aunt Finn is doing it because she doesn't like me. Well I don't think so. It's just, I wish I could tell my parents to stop kissing me goodbye, to stop worrying about me and that I will write to them if I found time.

I called my parents this morning to tell them that my train left at 11 o'clock. I don't know what I was expecting for them to say, but Emma, one of the maids, told me that no one could come to the phone. My father was working since he would leave his work early for tonight, Petunia was off with her friends to prepare herself for the ball and my mother was off at the florist because they hadn't sent the right number of flowers.

Tuning out of another one of Aunt Finn's monologue about how incredible the train looked, I watched the family that had just arrived beside us. To my surprise James, the guy that asked me to call him Prongs, was promising his mother he wouldn't get into trouble, would write to his dad when he could, promised he was going to be a Gryffindor like him and that he was going to beat all his records at Quidditch even if he was only a first year.

It figures that not only is he completely self assured and doesn't seem to care what people think of him, he hasn't had to study hard all week to know about Hogwarts and he even knows about Quidditch, whereas I don't. Seeing the pride in his parent's eyes made me ache to be what my parents wanted me to be also. I didn't feel as if my situation was that bad until I had arrived here and realized what I was missing. And really, it was proving to be too much for me to handle.

''Aunt Finn, I think I'm going to find a wagon right away to try and find a good window seat.''

''Oh! Well aright then! Write to me as soon as you arrive to tell me in which house you are, so I don't worry about you too much. And try to talk a little bit to your classmates, Lily. It's only polite to answer to people when they talk to you. They're all young wizards like you. None of them are the scary creatures you kept reading about. So don't be afraid of trying to make new friends. Now off you go! Take care!'' my aunt finished saying with a hug.

As much as it was appreciated, I couldn't help but compare this to what hugging my parents would have felt like.

''Thank you Aunt Finn. It was nice of you to take care of me all this time. I promise I'll write'' with that, I let go her embrace and turned to the train in hopes of an empty wagon to try and find in my books something about Quidditch.

. . . J . . .

Where were her parents her aunt had talked about the first time they had met? Why was she staying at her aunt's? Why was her aunt telling her wizards her age weren't monsters? And why did she look so sad? They were going at Hogwarts after all. He didn't understand why, but he felt as if it would be his responsibility to make sure she would laugh while she was at Hogwarts. Strangely, seeing that girl walking defeated to the wagons, his challenge of beating his father's records at Quidditch, like he had been thinking of since he had first heard of them, fell to second place in his list of priorities. He had no idea why. But if there's something James Potter never turned down, it was a challenge.


	6. train ride to school

_Hey! This is my favorite chapter… I don't know why. It's long but it's like they took a life of their own or something… it kept me up later than I had planned... anyway…_

_Introducing Sirius and Snape! Enjoy! _

Chapter 6: train ride to school

Since, she was one of the few students to be embarking on the train almost 30 minutes in advance, practically all the wagon still had window seats. She found one near the beginning of the train, close to the one with prefect written across the door to the cabin. She barely had time to retrieve her Hogwarts: a History book where she remembered having read something about a 'Quidditch pitch' when a dark haired boy past in front of the cabin and recognized her.

''Lily!'' Hearing her name, Lily glanced up and was glad to finally recognize a friendly face

'' Sev! I can't believe it! You're going to Hogwarts to?''

''Nice power of deduction Lily'' Sev answered with a smile ''Do you mind if I sit with you?''

''No not at all!'' Lily happily replied

As Severus Snape was settling himself in the seat in front of hers, Lily couldn't help but smile at the thought of having her childhood secret friend to keep her company.

''So, you are a witch.'' Sev said when he was finally seated

''It's what people keep saying. But I'm happy of learning you can do magic too''

''Well, since my mother was a witch I always thought I would be. Especially since I kept surviving all the nasty falls I had from trees when we would play hide and go seek.''

''We weren't playing hide and go seek.'' Lily answered back. ''We were simply testing how high we could climb a tree until the other one caught us off guard''

''That's one way of putting it'' Sev answered with a smile

''You would go so high, it's as if you thought you were invincible''

''Hasn't anybody explained to you what a wizard is? It's not the equivalent of Superman '' Sev replied laughing

''You can laugh all you want! You were never afraid of getting hurt, and when you did it's like you barely felt it''

''Yes well '' Severus's dark eyes clouded a little bit as he continued ''there's a difference between feeling it and letting it affect you''

Lily was left to wonder upon Severus's words, like she always tended to do when he said something that came so close to her heart. She could let the feeling of being abandoned affect her, focusing all her thoughts on that hurt to the point where it ruins her chances of enjoying her first day at her new school. Or she could let herself feel abandoned during the call, but not let it affect her and make it through the day without thinking about it again. She chose then and there to do the same thing she did when she went to Diagon Alley; she wouldn't let a telephone call affect her.

''How come you're not with your family on the platform?'' Lily asked after she had reached her new resolution

''I could ask you the same thing'' Severus replied

''Well, my parents had one of those function ball tonight so they're too busy to come'' Lily answered with a tight smile and a shrug

''I wished my parents had such a good excuse ''

''What do you mean? '' Lily asked a little bit surprised. On her standards, her parents didn't have a good excuse at all. Therefore she couldn't imagine what kind of excuses his parents had come up with.

Severus kept quiet for a while and finally looked at her straight on. He tended to do that with her. Stare her so intently, she had the impression he could read her mind. If she hadn't known him, she would have been scared of him she was sure. Finally those black eyes of him soften a bit and Lily saw a flicker of light in those deep pupils. She liked how she always managed to put a spark in his eyes from time to time, by jumping higher than him from a swing in the park, or running in the trees pretending to run from him or when she lied about playing alone to her family when he was hiding not far away. As much fun as it was playing with Sev, his dad worked in the industry and therefore was one of her father's 'lowly' employees. In other words, Sev wasn't from the rich crowd and therefore she wasn't allowed to hang out with him. But it was her father's fault when she thought about it. He had made a point of buying a land close to his job to show his employees that he also lived in the polluted area and he didn't complain, therefore they shouldn't either.

Sev finally broke the silence that had settled in their cabin and what he asked startled her.

''Were your parents happy of finding out you were a witch Lily?''

''No '' she answered truthfully

''Did it actually turn out to be at their advantage to send you to Hogwarts instead of the private school you talked to me about? ''

''Yes '' Lily was by then certain he had actually read her mind

''Well me too.'' Was the only short answer she was granted, but she felt the need to know more about her friend, who, she was realizing now, she didn't know much about.

''What do you mean? You just said your mother is a witch. She must have been thrilled''

''If she was, she didn't have much time to show it since my father soon made it clear what he thought of it'' Sev replied bitterly

Adventuring herself on a topic they had only discussed once, she said in a soft whisper

''But aren't you happy of getting away from him? I mean…you know. I was afraid sometimes you wouldn't be able to come out and play with me after a day arriving late for supper or…''at Sev's cold glare, Lily soon stopped talking and tried to remember why she had brought up that subject now when he had just said he wouldn't let it affect him. Surprisingly, he answered her question.

''My mother is still with him. And I learned that all this time, she hasn't done magic because my father broke her wand when she announced to him she was a witch on their wedding night and she never learned to do wandless magic.''

''But why didn't she buy a new wand?'' Lily couldn't help to ask

''It's expensive '' And on a second thought Severus added little bit softer:

''My dad told her he would leave her if she ever performed magic again and that she had to cut all contact with other wizards and witches. So she stopped keeping contact with her family and friends and never complained of the way he treated her''

''But didn't her family think it was strange that she stopped talking to them? ''

''Let's say they didn't approve her choice of husband. '' Sev answered.

''I never liked your father either.'' Lily couldn't help but observe.

''Right '' was Severus's short reply

''Why haven't you told this to me before Sev? '' Lily softly asked

''First of all, you were a muggle and second of all, I didn't want you looking at me differently.''

''And what changed since last time? '' Lily couldn't help but ask

''You did. And I'm not talking about learning you're a witch either'' Sev looked at her straight in the eye.

''I'm not sure if my parents are sending me off to Hogwarts because they want to get rid of me or because they are hopping I'll get sick of it and come back home happier about my Muggle life than before.'' Lily found herself saying

''What difference does it make?'' he replied

''What do you mean; 'what difference does it make?' In one case they want the best for me, in the other they don't care about me''

''Well, unless knowing that gives you a goal or something to focus on, I don't see what good it would do to you to know.'' Sev answered with a shrug

''But I want to go back to how everything was'', Lily admitted

''Then it doesn't matter what your parent's plans are. Make your own. If you don't consider your happiness as important as everybody else, how do you expect others to consider it? '' Sev asked.

''Isn't that being a little bit self centered'', a shocked Lily replied

''A little bit isn't wrong'' Sev replied with confidence ''It's what will keep you alive. You can go around making everybody around you happy Lily, going out of your way to help them all the time, but what good will it do to you in the long run?''

Letting his words sink in, Lily couldn't help but think how his upbringing had definitely made him more mature than the normal 11 year old. Also she felt grateful that she had a friend who always had good advice to give her and made her see her problems more clearly. Deciding once and for all to make this stay at Hogwarts what she wanted it to be she asked Sev if he would be willing to help her learn everything really fast so she could go back to the muggle world soon. He agreed with her that since she was a muggle born, she should probably go back to her world as soon as possible. He was willing to help her anyway he could, ''if you promise to stay in touch'' he added. And she agreed.

. . . . . .

The train ride was very smooth, and she probably fell asleep since one moment it was just her and Sev and the next two other persons were in the cabin with them. And one of them wasn't a stranger.

''Well hello there! Long time no see! Still have your cat with you everywhere you go?'' James asked her the moment she moved and therefore informed the entire cabin that she was awake.

''Hum…'' was all she got out before Sev interrupted her

''He insisted on sitting in front of you stating that he needed to be seated beside a window and that all the other cabin's windows were occupied.''

''But you were seating there'' Lily couldn't help but comment

''Well your friend has very persuasive ways'' Sev answered bitterly

''He's more of an acquaintance…'' was all Lily managed to say

''So where do you two know each other from?'' Sev quickly asked

Lily didn't have time to answer

'' Mate! Don't jump on her! She just woke up! Can't you see how this trip isn't agreeing with her?'' James was soon interrupt

Lily couldn't help but think that it was more these guys aggressive remarks towards each other than the train ride that was making her feel a little dizzy.

''Trust me, I know how to read people and I don't think it's the train making her feel this way '' Sev was quick to reply. Lily couldn't help a little smile. Always right on point!

''You sure are a big talker once the lady is awake. Not so much when she's asleep'' the friend seating beside James couldn't help himself to comment laughing.

''You weren't really in a talkative mood as I recall'' Sev replied going red in the face for reasons beyond Lily's knowledge.

''Why not leave that behind and have a conversation where Lily's actually capable of putting in a word or two.'' James was smooth and quick to reply.

''But don't worry Lily I don't expect a full sentence right away'' his friend added with smirk and a twinkle in his eye

''See we are getting better at this conversation thing. People this is Sirius. Sirius this is Lily, the girl I met at Diagon Alley when her cat tried to share my owl's cage. But let's not forget her friend who had the common sense to move when we asked for the window.'' James replied with a smile

''Name's Severus''

''Excuse me, did you say Snivellus?'' Sirius replied before giving James a 'high five'.

''I call him Sev for short'' Lily tried to pitch in

''See James, it took way less time for her to give me a full sentence than it took for you.'' Sirius felt the need to comment

''It was like five or six words. Stop being a git.'' James replied, hitting Sirius on the shoulder

''Look who's talking'' Sev said with a smirk

Their soon was a rhythm to each reply and smirks that it almost looked as if the boys were playing a secret game Lily had never heard about. Lily soon lost track of the conversation until they got to which house was best. She didn't understand the need to win an argument about a house you weren't even part of yet, but she was glad she told them she wanted to be in Ravenclaw when they asked her. It seemed Gryffindor and Slytherins hated each other. The boys had taken upon themselves to find out which house is the best by bringing the other house down with comments like: ''we will defend people we don't know because it's the right thing to do'', ''who says just because family is first we are not willing to help others to'', ''But you'll automatically choose your family over others all the time'', ''you'll automatically save the less fortunate every chance you get. What about the more fortunate? You discriminate people but simply the other way around'', ''of course you would say that! Just because you know you always stick behind the strongest one to obtain your personal goal.'', ''You're just hypocrites! Who says wanting to be hero can't be perceived as a personal goal. You're just lucky you save some lives in the process!'' and it went on and on…

She left at some point to change in her school uniform, and a girl stopped her in the corridor asking her what the name of her cute friend was. Lily couldn't help but think that this girl had strange taste if she thought Sev as cute, but none the less answered her question and managed to change in the bathroom fairly quickly considering it was a moving train. Back in the corridor she met the same girl again, but let's just say she wasn't as friendly as she first seemed.

''You must think you're SO funny!'' said the girl with a scowl

''Excuse me?''

''Giving me the name of the least attractive guy in your cabin! You're such a bitch!''

''You asked me the name of my friend!'' Lily replied trying to understand why this girl was calling her names Petunia wouldn't even have considered calling her they were so 'unlady like'.

''Don't be a smartass! I didn't mean literally your friend and you know it! I couldn't care less if the guys in your cabin are your cousins, your best friends or merely acquaintances! I was clearly asking you the names of the cute guys in your cabin. The nice girl policy in the 'how to make friends handbook' is to say the names of the cute guys and add a little comment giving a green light or a red light to the girl who is curious to know!'

''I honestly don't know what you are talking about!'' First thing she would do is find the book this girl was talking about. Clearly to not look stupid and make wizard friends reading Hogwarts: A History had been a bad choice. ''The guy in front of me I met shopping and his name is James. The guy beside him I just met and I think his name is Sirius, but I barely spoke to him.'' Lily added, trying to redeem herself.

''Oh don't worry! I found out when I made a complete fool of myself in front of guys that are a year younger than me! I'm so going to make you pay for this! Just wait and see!'' the girl said before storming off leaving a worried Lily behind.

. . . . . .

The boys didn't comment on the girl's outburst outside of their compartment nor did they tell Lily what the girl told them. The conversation about Gryffindor and Slytherins had been put to an unexpected stop and Lily couldn't help but wonder how long this train ride still had to go. Fortunately the boys had to change in their uniforms and when they were all done taking their turns in the washroom, a lady selling magic sweets showed up at their cabin and James decided to buy half of the lady's cart to make Lily try them all. It was a good thing Sev was there to stop James and Sirius from giving her stuff that weren't actually fun for the person that ate them. They had a way of teasing that sometimes only seemed funny to both of them, so she never really knew if they were trying to be funny or mean. Maybe she would have figured it out if she had had more time, but the train came to a stop and next thing she knew she was in the middle of a lake, in a boat moving without the need of a motor, sitting next to Sev after the biggest man she had ever seen in her life had told them all to pair up and get in a boat. Once again she felt grateful to have Sev by her side since this lake really didn't seem safe and it was so dark. And then, all of a sudden, the biggest, most beautiful castle she had ever seen came into view. It looked like the kind of castle you would see in fairy tell books with so much lights in was impossible to believe that it wasn't lit by magic. And for the first time in a really long time, Lily felt like she was where she was supposed to be.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 : Not exactly where you expected to be

She was starting to feel that maybe she shouldn't have studied ''Hogwarts: A History'' before coming here. All the students were being fascinated by stuff she already knew about, moving staircases and such. At least, the Great Hall didn't disappoint. It was even more majestic and beautiful then what she had read about in her book. She couldn't help herself from looking at the magical ceiling in awe. She smiled when she saw a little star twinkle, as if daring her to make a wish on it. Everyone in the Great Hall were looking at their little group of first year and she couldn't help but dread going up on the little podium they had set up for the sorting.

''Evans, Lily'' Professor McGonagall called after a while.

Lily felt her face heat up and she was certain students at the other end of the Hall would think a tomato was wearing the Sorting Hat.

''A tricky one you are…'' an unfamiliar voice spoke in her head. Nowhere in Hogwarts: a History had they spoken of a talking hat. But she reminded herself she was in the wizard world for now.

''For now, you say'' the hat spoke again ''Not planning to stay among us long'' Lily stopped herself at the last second from saying out loud her answer since this hat had just previously heard her thoughts.

''Actually, no Mr. Hat. I want to change for the better to go back to my family as soon as possible. '' she thought

''Change is your desire child? You have the golden heart of a Hufflepuff, the Slytherin's loyalty to your family and the Ravenclaw's desire for knowledge, though you pursuit for it isn't in the same way as theirs. If change is what you desire child, it is courage to change all those traits for the better. Unless these are qualities you see unfit for you.''

''I'm a Ravenclaw, I'll pursue knowledge like they do!'' Lily pleaded seeing where the hat was heading with his logic.

''Knowledge comes to the Ravenclaw, not the other way around.'' The hat replied

''Gryffindor!'' the Hat burst out loud.

. . . J . . .

The luck James felt to see her sorted in the house he was about to join was soon overshadowed by the look on her face. He couldn't help but wonder if being hated by the entire Gryffindor house was her goal? The student seating at the table in the furthest back of the Great Hall could probably see how disappointed she was. Once she had taken off the Sorting Hat, Mistress Mcgonnagald actually had to give Lily a little push in her back with one hand for her to move in the direction of the house's table. The cheers were obviously not as loud as they had been for others, and a few Slytherins were actually smiling. No one could remember a student being so disappointed after being sorted, and the house she had just been sorted in was Gryffindor. If people were a little bit disappointed, it was of being sorted in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor. She may have started with only Joelle, the girl who had approached him on the train calling him Severus, as an enemy. But now, a full table of people felt ashamed of having this unhappy girl as a new member of their house. It was like she was making it harder on herself on purpose! She found her old friend, she ate loads of candies and she had just been sorted in Hogwarts strongest house and still she couldn't be happy! She was impossible to understand, and not just because she was a girl. Only that Sev guy seemed to understand her and it pissed him off. But what pissed him even more is how much he cared about her happiness when she clearly didn't want it. James didn't know what was wrong with him.

. . . L . . .

Lily had been unable to have a nice conversation with anybody at her table after her very public display of disappointment. Not even with James who, not surprisingly, had become quickly popular with everybody in her year. She had been unable to remember the words to the Hogwarts song due to all the thoughts going through her head. Unable to eat, she had felt so sick. She had been unable to laugh at their password 'lion king' like the rest of the muggle students. She had been incapable of taking part of the conversation her roommates were having since it was about a program that played on the wireless, a wizard contraption she had never heard about before. She closed her blinds early, not even taking her stuff out of her trunk. When Prongs came on her pillow and started to purr, she finally let all the tears that had been threatening to fall since the phone call at the beginning of the day to finally fall free. She would have a brave face during the day and not show that things affected her, but at night she would allow herself to cry. Since now even at Hogwarts she didn't fit in. She just learned that all the work she had been doing until now to go back home had been in vain. No, it seemed all this time it was courage she had been lacking. The worst part was, the more she thought about it and the more what the Sorting Hat has said made sense. Her only problem was, she couldn't figure out how on earth she was going to accomplish being brave. Not that she considered being a coward, only she couldn't portray herself as a leader either. She couldn't wait to finally change.

. . . . . .

She woke up her first morning at Hogwarts really too early for her liking. When she had thought about changing last night, obviously she hadn't been considering becoming an early bird. Yes, ''it's the best way to ensure a productive day'' her father would say, but she still found it hard to wake up for school and that was just 15 minutes before everyone left the house for work or school.

She looked at the time and couldn't help but think that these girls must have put their alarm too early by accident and couldn't go back to sleep since it was 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!! Worst, they were keeping her awake with the racket they were doing! She opened her curtains a little bit to see them putting mixture in their hair, pulling their hair in tight braids and already fighting about who'll have the mirror first. She couldn't believe they woke up early just to make themselves pretty. She probably should try and socialize with these girls but Lily was feeling really too cranky to do that. Instead, she would pretend she was still sleeping to spy on them. It would remind her of good times with Petunia, when they would stand quietly behind curtains spying on the staff at home or on guests. When Petunia heard something ''meaningful'', the two sisters would run to their mother and Petunia would repeat word for word what she just heard. Lily always felt bad when someone would get fired but then, like Petunia kept repeating to her, it's disrespectful to make fun of your employer or your host.

After 5 minutes of lying there listening to these girls fight about how much make up still looks natural, Lily couldn't help but feel that this spying game was only fun if Petunia was around. Maybe if she associated the voices with her roommates, the spying game might be more entertaining. The girl's voice that seemed made to boss people around was probably Josephine's voice. She had sharp brown eyes and straight glossy brown hair that she kept in a high ponytail that reached her elbows. The soft voice that always seemed to talk in questions was Marie's voice. She had large blue eyes and curly blond hair that bounced on her shoulders. The voice with a little accent was Alejandra's. She had dark eyes and an even darker shade of black for her hair. It was so silky that it almost seemed to be dark blue. Actually, all three girl's hair seemed too glossy and perfect in Lily's opinion. She thought it looked a little to fake. But Petunia would have probably complimented the girls to try and discover their trick for perfect looking hair. And then in the middle of her thoughts Lily, heard the girls start talking about James.

''I wonder if he'll notice me?'' Marie asked in a dreamy voice

''Well, you're not the only girl that thinks he's cute...'' Alejandra stated as if it was obvious.

''I know... but I've heard he's friends with Lily. '' Marie added optimistic

''Oh, don't count on her Peggy! My sister Joelle thought he was cute, now she doesn't because he is like, a year younger, but still she asked Lily and Lily made sure my sister made a total fool of herself in front of him'' Josephine replied

''Really? She doesn't seem like that kind of girl…'' Marie couldn't help but say

''How do you know? She doesn't seem like the kind of girl that would consider Gryffindor unworthy of her or something but just look at how she acted yesterday! God, what a snob!'' Josephine added

''Well, for her to cry about it late at night…'' Marie whispered

''I know, right! What a drama queen!'' Josephine replied clearly not understanding what Marie was implying.

''Anyway, we should head downstairs, maybe people are already gathering in the common room. I don't want to have to sit on the floor because all the couches are taken. And maybe my sister will be able to present us to everyone cool!'' said Josephine already heading for the door.

''Wait for me!'' cried Marie trying to gather all her school books

''Marie, we'll come back later for our books! I mean we don't even have our schedules yet. You'll look like a bookworm if you show up downstairs with all that'' assumed Alejandra.

When finally the girls left the room, Lily stepped in the shower and took her time. As tears mixed with the pouring water and soap, she swore she wouldn't spy her roommates again. There were things you were better left unknowing. Like people thinking you're a snob and a drama queen. Maybe she was becoming more like Petunia than she anticipated… If that were the case, it was technically a good thing since to go back home she had to be like Petunia. Sadly, this really wasn't making her as happy as she had planned two days ago. Lily was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with her. She had never been on this kind of emotional roller-coaster before; one minute being happy and the next being so sad. Maybe Sev wouldn't mind helping her out.


End file.
